Four Tips For A Successful Date

1. Order a big bottle of the most expensive wine. Use phrases like “The grape literally dances on the tongue” and “The finish has a slight truffle savor”. Say “rosé” instead of “pink”.

2. Avoid the following topics: necrophilia, trap, your best friend’s flatulence, Sailor Moon, Windows 10. Talk about your ex instead.

3. Open every sentence with “As Sartre once said”. If they ask “Huh?”, say “the midget from Big Bang Theory”.

4. After the date, wait at least 34.5 hours before texting them. If they ask you out again, say you’re busy (write “squash” instead of “masturbating and crying”).

Advertisements
Four Tips For A Successful Date

One thought on “Four Tips For A Successful Date

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s