1. For lovers: go out, have a nice meal, walk along the “romantic street”, buy flowers (“No, we don’t have single flowers. We have these nice bouquets. That one is 200 dollars. This one is 300 dollars. No, those are not single flowers, you see, they come in a bunch. Sorry, single flowers are out.”), have the stinginess discussion again, walk home.
2. For singles (confused): sit at home, watch some funny stuff, drink a glass, watch some weird stuff, drink a glass, watch some old footage of him/her, drink a glass, cry, read some old text messages, drink a glass, text him/her, drink a glass, receive no answer, drink a glass, call him/her (“You’re drunk. No, it’s me. No, you got the right number, I changed it. Because I KNEW you’d call him/her. No, I won’t. Because s/he cheated on you. No, it’s not because you’re boring. It’s because s/he is a ****. Yes, I know. Yes, I love you, too. Hey, why don’t you just go to bed? No, I can’t, sorry. I’m with some…yes, we’re just having dessert. Yes. Yes. Sorry, no. Yes, I’ll call you, right? Just go to sleep, ok? It’s ok, that you’re crying, it’s just that you’re drunk. No, don’t apologize, please. OK, just go to bed, yes, I love you, too.” )
3. For singles (positive): meet him/her at the restaurant, go inside, notice that they have a special Valentine’s Day “offer”, have a starter and a
pink rosé, find out that s/he likes Jason Statham, have a soup, find out that s/he listens to David Guetta AS WELL AS Nickelbag AS WELL AS Wiz Khalifa, find out that s/he does not know Thom Yorke OR Radiohead and thinks that “Oh, that guy” has “a funny eye”, have the main dish, find out that s/he spends most of his/her leisure time at the gym, receive a message, have the dessert, ignore the message, receive a call, ignore it, find out that s/he cannot understand why homeless people don’t just go to a shelter and s/he homeless was for some time as well, because their ex kicked him/her out, receive another call, take the call, hang up (“What? No, that was not my ex, just some friend. Oh, already? Yes, sure, I think we could catch that one. Let me pay. No, seriously, it’s ok. You can pay next time. So, in case we… Anyway. GARÇON?”), walk him/her to the station.
4. For singles (negative): spray vinegar into all flower bouquets.