Four Rules For A Vegetarian Restaurant

1. Sell extra small dishes for extra big prices

Since you offer an exquisite meal with rare organic nutritious ingredients (beans! lotus!! quinoa!!!), you may charge any price you want. It’s not that people who usually eat non-vegetarian food and who are not on a diet would appreciate a proper portion.

2. Do not season the dishes

Most vegetarians are wimps and cannot cope with any taste that goes beyond vegetables, tofu and nuts. So do not add any weird flavours (salt! pepper!! a hint of chili!!!) to your dishes.

3. Employ only soft-hearted and limp people

Most vegetarians are wimps and thus cannot cope with regular (confident! witty!! quick-witted!!!) staff. Make sure they open every sentence with “I’m not sure” or a counter-question. Make sure they do not know anything beyond the menu.

4. Let service play a minor role

Dispose all items that everybody needs for eating (cutlery! tissues!! seasoning!!!) on a central table in the middle of the restaurant. Do not expect your staff to serve the heavy dishes carrying extra weight (tissues).

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Four Rules For A Vegetarian Restaurant

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