Four Arguments Against Electronic Music

1. “Oh, no! A bass drum, how primitive! Oom-tss-oom-tss-oom-tss-oom-tss, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,  I hate it when the beat goes like I have to move my feet so like I’m walking on the street… TURN THAT OFF!!”

2. “No, it’s no real music, everyone can do that, just look at my favorite song that is a real song with real guitars made by real people, when he starts with that picking and the bass and drums enter (*yawning*) and then the first verse and then in the chorus suddenly the guitars go from picking to two guitar tracks with power chords (*pouring coffee*) and then everything all over again, BELIEVE IT OR NOT!, then they have a guitar solo (*nodding off*) and the chorus again, but now changing to the fifth and in the end THEY HAVE ANOTHER EXTRA GUITAR TRACK! ALTHOUGH THEY ONLY HAVE ONE GUITAR PLAYER!! THEY ARE SO REAL!!! (*waking up again*)”

3. “I mean, pressing some buttons, everyone can do that, you don’t need to be… Oh, you have that all on your computer? OK, that should be easy. I just click bass drum again and again, haha. So where is the bass drum? In the library? Where is the…? Ah, thanks. So many files. Oh, that’s the cymbal folder. So I just chose some mp3. Wav, sure. Why are the names all in hertz? Can’t they just call it bass drum 1 to (*scrolling* – *scrolling* – *scrolling*) 592? So which one should I pick? OK, I will just chose this one. No, that sounds like 80s pop. Or this one. What about this one? Yes, I can chose one now. So now I just put it on one, two, three, four. So, one is left. Where is two? Can’t they just write like ‘2’? OK, maybe here. And 3 here? OK, play. Oh, that sounds like five-four time, ha ha. So, shall I just go along these… WHY IS IT FILTERING? WHAT IS IT FILT… Oh, thanks. God, that’s complicated. But I am sure you as a sound…er… guy you learned that at your university. Biology? Really? So, you learned that all by yourself? So you’re more like a nerd, clicking in the basement, ha ha. Oh, live performances? You you play that like…live? Oh, with those other…er…machines. Yeah, sounds cool. Yeah, I play bass in a rock band. Yeah, like, DAM DOM DUM. Yeah, always on one, two, three, four, haha. Yeah, thanks.”

4. “David Guetta!”

Four Arguments Against Electronic Music

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