1. Stab an animal, pour blood all over garment, put it next to sleeping drunk friend, write “I know what you did last night” on the wall together with an article that most murderers are identified by their genetic fingerprint on clothes.
2. Soak garment in salt acid. This will dissolve all stains (including cloth) within minutes.
3. Smuggle it into a KKK member’s robe laundry. (Recommended only for white garment!)
4. Soak in vinegar for three days, wash, sigh, soak in water with baking powder for three days, wash, sigh, soak in water with stain remover, wash, sigh, bring to laundry, sigh, bring to special laundry opened by undercover secret chemical weapons program of dodgy communist state mastermind, sigh, buy new garment.