Four Things To Say To Your Ex-Partner’s New Girlfriend

1. “Hi, you must be Tinder!”

2. “One advice: before you give him money for that ‘gecko farm project’, do some research. Geckos do not actually eat that much Viagra!”

3. “So, did he already ask you to try that Viet Cong girl thing? It’s…erm…interesting. But be careful, I ruined all my plants with that Agent Orange stuff!”

4. “Haha, you’re the [weekday] girl, right? I used to be Saturday until Saturday became ‘family day’…”

Four Things To Say To Your Ex-Partner’s New Girlfriend

Four Details To Confuse Your Significant Other

1. Write the I in “I love you” in capital letters only.

2. Put on loads of perfume/aftershave before going out with your (same-gender) lads/ladies. Take and send a picture every four minutes showing you with the lads/ladies only.

3. Insist that you both haven’t seen her/his parents for a while and point out for every thing you see that her/his parents might like that.

4. Say “You are SO BEAUTIFUL!” when they wake up with hangover feeling like a dead reptile.

Four Details To Confuse Your Significant Other

Four Ways To Say “I Love You”

1. Hire an airplane, let it fly across the harbor with a banner saying “Do you want to fly away with me, Roberto?”

2. Hire a bakery, arrange the cakes and sweets to form “You’re sweeter than any cake, Esmeralda!”, kick her out of bed on Sunday morning to get breakfast.

3. Hire a monkey wearing lipsticks, a wedding dress and an ukulele playing “I would do anything for love (but I won’t do that!)” and finishing with “I’m a fool for you, Harald!”

4. Hire a dove to bring her a bag of potatoes with a greeting card saying “You might have no taste, you might not be beautiful but you are persistent and nutritious and I can store you in a dark, dry and cool place for ages, Laetitia!” (not my joke)

Four Ways To Say “I Love You”